Friday the 27th of April and right now I'm parked by the South Parade Pier in Portsmouth, a place I decided to visit for a brief period of personal introspection and personal reflection. Coming up to the last few days of April 2024, the month in which I've turned 30, I just wanted to bring myself closer to the ocean.
I just wanted to stare and look at the great expanse of water that just lies right before me. An expanse of water that travels so far wide that, you know, it almost disappears the more I just look into it. And it always snaps me out of this mentality that I so easily find myself in.
This mentality and this mindset that everything is fixed. That everything is certain, for lack of a better word, but rigid as opposed to fluid, infinite and I'm not sure if I'm making any sense at the moment. Portsmouth was one of those places that I just paid a visit to whenever I had aspirations to join the Royal Navy and one day becoming the captain of a ship.
As a matter of fact, as I'm saying this right now, it just feels like, you know, staring out into the horizon for whatever this weather could offer anyway and I swear I can see a bunch of ships just right in the distance, whether they're freight ships or naval ships I'm not entirely certain. But I just came here because I wanted to just remind myself of the life that could have been. Not looking at it from a perspective of regret, but just to remind myself that
I have definitely spent some time walking this earth to the point in which I can look back on my life and reflect on some of my past lives, thinking about the person that I could have been and how different my life would have been had I just made the decision not to pursue my dreams.
Right now it's just raining. It's like not completely like pouring down but it's completely wet and you know the clouds in the sky are growing enough to just almost blend together like with the ocean in the far distance. I can see a lady just walking her dogs by the beach and I'm in a state of peace. I'm in a state of tranquility. I bring myself to these places every now and again and as often as I possibly could to remind myself that something isn't right about the life that I live in the city. Something
isn't right about the cycle that I continue to turn. Going to work, coming back home and going to work again for what purpose exactly? To just, merely for the point of just getting by? Just paying my bills? I don't think that's the case. I'm not sure if that's the whole point in life. I think that there is something further beyond these, further beyond the confinements of where I reside. I honestly believe that there is something further. And every single time that I stare out into the ocean I'm reminded of that furtherness, I'm reminded of that place that I'm, you know, that I'm yet to
see, the places that I'm yet to venture to. I look forward to the future ahead as always but I also appreciate that the road that I'm about to walk is going to be tough
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