Wednesday the 4th of December 2024 and the title of today's reflection is going to be anticlimactic desire. You know I suppose at the moment I'm just basically kind of like thinking through the way that I'm feeling which isn't exactly positive and it isn't exactly negative it's
just kind of like an okayish type of like feeling which I guess has kind of like come from you know a long period of effectively having my head buried in the sand and Not really following through on any of the things that I guess I desire to follow through
Or the things that I need to follow through for the sake of my desires Like some of the things that are effectively kind of like scaring me the closer and closer the closer and closer I'm getting to the end of the year is pretty much the the facade or the kind of like you know the toxic allure behind some of the greatest things that I guess I've desired from my African life like you know one of them being fame the other one being wealth and the other one being I guess respect to a certain extent and
just kind of like realizing how you know like you know kind of like coming to a realization that you know and again I've done this before, I've spoken about this before, but in the grander scheme of things, nothing is going to take anything away from the suffering that I guess I go through, if that makes any sense, like life, that there is no cure and there is no remedy to make life easier for oneself, like yeah, there are things that one can do to make life more meaningful, more purposeful but the fact of the matter is that you know I just feel like
I've been spending my time trying to distract myself from the aspects of my adulthood that effectively like really suck the continuous like never-ending machine that just has to be freaking fed something you know beyond me from is always you know something there's always going to be something that is starving so kind of like in other words there's always something there's always something that's hungry something that's going to kind of do whatever it is that it can in its own power to kind of like you know
feed off of your attention and feed off of your kind of like energy and uh you know i'm just trying to basically kind of like you know come to terms with acknowledging that and finding ways to just kind of like you know be happy within within that within that setting
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