My fingers feel a little twitchy at the moment, it's a Wednesday afternoon and once again I feel as though I haven't made the most of my day. I can't quite put a finger on when, but it's been a while since I've felt 100% physically (Ill save the mentally part for another day). It's as though I'm racing against a ticking time bomb from the moment I get out of bed, and have to best it to its detonation before I shut down physically, or simply feel as though I've got insufficient energy left to give to my attentions.
Everyone in the house except me has caught the nastiest cold and I'm waiting for my turn to come and go because I'm anticipating the impact my health will have on my performance across everything I do. I mentioned twitchy fingers because I want to breeze through this post before I return to this freestyle I've been working on.
Last week I was told about this high chance I'll be on the radio, and it all depends on whether I have anything ready to deliver on the platform. A part of me feels somewhat confused (as well as amused) by the fact that this state of limbo is actually being manifested by none other than myself! Usually, when you're betting on something massive to happen, there's always a force greater beyond your reach or control that is operating the cogs in motion, but right now as it stands I am the only person getting in my way. The platforms ready for me when Im ready.
This explains why headspace wise I feel like time is shorter than ever. Why? Well, despite me being in control here that is in actuality the issue that hangs this all in the balance. Remember what I said in my earlier posts about procrastination (Jee I now have enough of them to get confused between them!), this means I can always put it off to the following week, to the following month, to the following year, to the following never.
Which is why I'm almost rushing myself to get to the last bar (line) of this freestyle I'm writing so that I can push that giant red button that frightens the living hell out of me. It's almost as though I'm itching to put the cogs in motion so I have less reason as well as less control to slow down the process I myself claim to desire so much.
Thats all for me today.
Yours truly,
Made Eze.
Comments