Friday the 24th of January 2025 and you know what, I think that in some ways I must be my own blessing as well as I am my own curse. The very thing, the very nature that I have and the very nature that I believe makes me different, makes me special is also the very nature that if I'm not careful and if I don't have an awareness of this danger, it effectively becomes my own demise. So for the longest time, as far as I can remember, I've been anti-authoritative for some reason, naturally anyway. I've
always had that resistance to authority. And I wouldn't necessarily say that I was the type of person to effectively disobey, although I remember often being disobedient, I can't even lie to you, like I wouldn't do things without questioning them and if something just felt off to me and if something just didn't quite make sense or like you know it felt, if things just didn't feel complete I would question it and the more people would kind of like you know, you know try to you know I guess in a certain way just dismiss my curiosity, the more curious I became and then therefore in a way that the more, you know, the more
like, I think the word that I'm looking for, the more defiant I became. However, like you know, I want to talk a little bit more about why I believe that in essence that nature is also my own demise if I'm not careful. So for the longest time, I've never been able to hold down a job. You know, I've been fired from place to place to place to place and some of the places where I'm working now, I'm still struggling to kind of like keep people happy if that makes sense but you know, I feel like
I've kind of like you know, got it to a T, to a point where I can now just be able to hold things, you know, to hold a job longer than how I used to be able, you know, how long, how long I've kept jobs for back then. However, the thing is, the things that I kind of like questioned or the things you know, I often question kind of like why certain things had to be done, as certain things felt pointless. I'm the type of person that genuinely believes in the power of not exerting oneself too much
or not creating a rod for one's own back, in the sense of like, I want to be able to make the most amount of money for the least amount of time and effort. And I don't think that I'm a wrong, I don't think that I'm a wrong-un. I don't believe that I'm a, you know, I'm a lazy person for having that desire because after all the time that I have on this planet Right is limited the energy that I have on this planet could be put to better use as opposed to just making money But the thing that I'm trying to say is this right now that I'm now starting to build my own business
Now that I'm starting to create my own kind of like I'm trying to effectively become self-sufficient in a way, right? I mean, at least when it comes to kind of like, you know, providing my own work and providing my own paycheck. Everything that I've questioned and everything that I've defined is now all of a sudden becoming important. Coming in on time, clocking in on time, doing things at certain times, doing things in certain
ways and I'm trying to effectively say this, not just to remind myself but then also to any artist out there that, you know, you need the system, you need a structure, you need the matrix because these are the things that are going to define how reliably, how consistently and how effectively you keep yourself paid. And I know everybody says I don't care about the money, guess what? Even for the sake of your own art to flourish as beautifully and and as shiningly as you want it to, you need to make an investment and that's when it all becomes important
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