I’m reflecting back to my performance at the Fourth Portal’s poem and spoken word event in Gravesend. I must admit I never really opened myself up to the possibility that the event would turn out the way it did, but what surprised me even more was that the issues I was expressing in my performance really did begin to bubble up to the surface.
Now don’t get me wrong, with very little time to practice I was anticipating that I was gonna mess my performance up a couple of times but…I didn’t expect myself to freeze in a moment purely because I was getting overwhelmed by just how strong my emotions were.
I’ve written about this before in the past but sometimes I honestly write somethings down in my music because I believe it’s either what people want to hear or it’s simply something that sounds cool: sometimes curiosity drives me to the places that I go to both emotionally and psychologically.
It seems bizarre me thought that sometimes the very things I feel I’m simply curious about, are actually things that have been lodged and buried deep in a place I never knew harboured such strong negative emotions.
I guess it turns out I’m a lot more vulnerable than I thought I was, that things are still hurting me deep within despite the fact that I’ve somehow been able to mask myself from it, and maybe I’m right to continue to express myself in an effort to uncover just how serious my issues actually are.
I’ve been told I often speak from the heart, and maybe that’s the reason why I spend so much time doing it. Maybe I do have some things that I need to get off my chest, and it makes me glad that I’ve chosen to invest myself into this passion.
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