Thursday the 7th of November 2024 and the title of today's reflection is going to be Evanescence. So I'm not entirely certain how nuanced my experiences are to be able to talk about something I feel, I don't know, compelled to express that I have somewhat the curse to
a certain extent but as well as the blessing really to be able to imagine and to be able to experience the things that I would have missed out upon if I was successful in kind of like taking
my own life. Like you know, I'm literally kind of like walking. I'm walking and as I'm walking like in the distance is this tiny little thing with like, you know, noodle arms and noodle legs just basically like running in front of me, right, trying to get to the front door. And you know, there she is just kind of like wholesome freaking nature just radiating so much joy
and just radiating so much kind of like willingness to live you know a soul full with just kind of like you know hunger and yearning for the breath of life and there's me somewhat feeling but feeling completely abundant with purpose, knowing that I'm effectively here to orbit around this kind of like little thing with noodle arms and noodle legs,
just to make sure that, you know, just to see to it that, you know, she has kind of like, you know, the best life that this earth and this universe could ever offer. Yeah, it's a bit weird, really, thinking about the things that I would have missed out on if I was no longer here.
And I guess to a certain extent I just find myself somewhat, not necessarily confused, but more so aloof in the thought or the idea that I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be experiencing these things. It's a little bit strange when you think about it. Like, you know, if somebody was to come up to me in that moment and they were asking me like,
hey, how you doing? Like, you know, what's on your mind? I would have turned around and said, oh, like, you know, I'm just literally thinking about kind of the things that I would have never experienced had I not been here,
or had I been successful in taking my own freaking life. It's not normal. But it's almost like I look at these events and I experience them with just a little extra like hint of joy a little bit more a bit more of a sparkle to it because I guess like such things are easily taken for granted
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