Even If It Hurts

Over the years it has become clear to me that this journey is not meant to be walked alone, but at the same time I've also understood that for a significant amount of time I'm going to be walking this journey alone anyway. The farther I continue to walk along this path the busier I get, the more demanding the work becomes and the more alone I begin to feel. All of this and yet I still keep going, yet I still keep finding a reason to carry on going forward despite the fact that the further I go the more it begins to hurt. I'm doing it because there's something inside me that keeps pulling me in this direction; sometimes it feels like it’s right and sometimes it doesn’t but it doesn't  matter because either way I keep on going.

One of my greatest fears growing up has been being alive but living for no reason, no purpose or having no use.This has become a staple of insecurity of mine and whether the reasons are healthy or unhealthy, they motivate me to carry on pushing forward. There is something that I have to say, something that I have to give to the world, a gift. Whether it is going to be accepted or not it's something that I strive to give anyway.

This burning feeling inside me pushes me to continue down this path even though it hurts. Sometimes sense simply escapes me, and I find that even if it hurts I still want to carry on going forward because I know deep down that there is something that the world will value when I finally give it to them.

I guess in a world where life is so short the last thing I want to do is leave this place without having meant anything, without having understood or grasped any meaning of it, any sense. Even if at the end of the day life in itself is meaningless, from it I want to be able to build something that is worthwhile, something that gives me a reason to feel meaningful even if it’s just for a moment. 

I just wanna give the world what I think has always lived within me because I'm sure that somebody will one day find it, and appreciate that I never gave up for anyone or anything to let them have it.