Okay, so it hasn't really been the easiest day and If I Do dare to say this I think it's fair to say that it's probably been one of the hardest years of the year so far I don't really know what to say I guess I'm in the process of trying to kind of like compartmentalize like the unexpected term of events that I've kind of gone through.
Thankfully they don't concern my health or anybody else's health because those situations are much harder to deal with purely because they are way harder to control and if I'm being honest those kind of situations do tend to be further out of my control than anything financial or kind of like immediately circumstantial for a lack of a better way of putting it. At the same time though I cannot help but feel that those said situations, situations concerning health are a lot easier to accept because they are so far out of my control that the only thing I really need to do is just accept them. Whereas the situation that I'm in right now,
which is massively financial, and I really do mean massively financial, is a situation where something does need to happen. I wouldn't say imminently, but it feels as though like every minute and every moment counts towards the survival of myself and the survival of my family. And at the moment, I don't really know how to deal with it.
It's been a really difficult day. I have felt stressed in ways I haven't felt for a long time. I have felt despair in ways I haven't felt despair in a long time. And genuinely speaking, I really don't know what to do. It feels as though I'm in big trouble. And it feels as though I have way too many things that need to be done imminently, and not enough time to get them done in. A part of me is extremely frustrated because I have grown through my experiences to understand that situations like this are very, very likely to happen. However, at the same time, because I have had to relinquish a significant part of my control through my, call it assimilation to my family and my children and my extended family and stuff like that. There are certain decisions that are out of
my control and there are certain things that I do have to consider and unfortunately it puts me in a position where there are certain situations that had I been on my own, had I just lived by myself, I would have chosen to avoid purely to minimize the risk. But as a result, like, you know, here I am, kind of like in this very difficult situation, a situation that becomes very easy to avoid when you're just on your own. I don't think I'm trying to cast blame to anyone, it's just that it's a lot easier to navigate and to maneuver through a tight corner in a gulf of an ocean or an ocean. When you're in a large ship that takes ages to turn because of the size and you know the volume of the ship itself.
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