Saturday morning on the 4th of May 2024 and wow, let me just start talking about how energised I feel this morning, even though I don't sound like it. I mean I do have to bear into consideration that my family is still asleep and even as I think about the fact that my family is still asleep, I come to the realisation that I'm awake before everybody else.
Every day when I wake up I'm always the first person to be awake and on many occasions I'm always the last person to go to bed. It's things like this that open me up to the realization of how
committed I am to everything that I put my heart and soul into, especially when it comes to this music. I just finished writing my diary or at least I finished writing today's page and whatever it is that I'm going to be accomplishing today, whatever it is that I've experienced hours before and I remember writing about how I need to do my very best to make sure that I fall into the habit of you know drinking my last drink of the day, and I am talking about liquids and not alcohol, drinking my last drink of the day at a point in which I do not have to wake
up early in the morning, as early as 2am or 3am to go to the toilet because it compromises my sleep. It's just a realisation that I'm entering this state of mind where I am becoming and more decisive in my effort to self-care and look after myself. I say this because I'm coming to the realisation that it's extremely and I guess detrimentally important to make sure that I look after my health because it's my health that I'm going to rely upon to actualise this dream. As I continue to talk and as I continue to reflect upon everything that I'm reflecting upon, I'm just coming to the realization that this
you know this energy that I'm feeling this morning, this great surge, this determination is coming from a place of I'm not sure if the word is confidence, maybe it's assurance, but I guess I'll go with the word confidence. Is this confidence that I am simply not going to let this go. I am not going to quit. It's funny because the thing that I was actually writing in my diary had something to do with
the fact that I'm not going to be at work for the next nine days, simply because the work is not available. Whilst this might have freed up a lot of time in my schedule, it has also put me in a compromising position because if I don't use this time wisely, it's going to put me in a position where I'm not going to be able to afford the rent this month. And I've been talking about this for ages, talking about how I have to use my time and I have to divide my time to make sure that I afford my rent. And that often compromises the time that I have available to pursue my
dream, to bring my dream to life. And it's interesting because at the moment I am faced with so much financial adversity and so much financial, I think the word that I'm looking for is so much financial uncertainty that it's almost reassuring. It's reassuring in the sense that it's making me so, you know, the process, I mean,
the experience that I've gone through has made me so, so, it has made me feel so threatened by the reality that not only I'm gonna be, not only could I run the risk of being homeless, I could also run the risk of not being able to find the time to work on my music.
It has made me feel so threatened to the point in which I've realized that I'm just not going to let this go. I am not going to quit. I am not going to give up. I am so headstrong and so stubborn in how I effectively see and understand how important this is more than anybody else that I know, more than people, more than the people who don't realize how much they need me to succeed in this thing that I'm trying to accomplish. Like it's gonna be, I'm going through a growth process and it's gonna be a process of greatness. This is literally greatness in the making.
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