I’m always navigating through this journey with this inescapable sense of urgency. I’m curious to know why I’m like this and if this is something that’s symptomatic of my fear of failure, or my jealousy of other people’s success. When everybody is hurdling towards this ‘One thing’ that glitters with glows of a better future, it’s easy to look to my left and my right to see who who’s lagging behind me, and who’s running way ahead.
I’m contemplating the mind state that I’m beginning to recognise as the scarcity mentality. Everybody gets convinced that this one thing, because it’s so rare will only be available to a few, and because it’s so valuable everybody runs towards it, therefore making the competition understandably but unimaginably cut throat.
I’ve got a great friend who once told me please Chris, stop comparing yourself to others. Maybe it’s my ego or kicking this habit is genuinely challenging to do but, I’ve had very little success in this department of my personal growth.
I tell myself I’ll compare myself objectively, see where I’m doing well and what I can learn from others to improve, but no matter how well I succeed in doing so eventually the jealousy seeps in. Sometimes I truly do wonder how some of the people, those whom I look up to and whom look up to me make certain things happen. How do they get more streams? More engagement or comments on their profile? These are thoughts that fester with a voice so menacing in my mind. Sometimes I feel like it’s out there to hurt those whom I perhaps feel inferior to, but the reality is that voice is only really there to torment me.
I want the pace I move with to be a pace I set for the right reasons, not because I fear somebody will get there before me. I’ve got to find the peace in my mind that will allow me to be happy with who I am, what I’ve got, and what I’m capable to do because no matter how far up there I get, there will always be somebody who will be better than me.
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