I was supposed to be at work today. To be honest I don’t even remember feeling under the weather at all to call in sick, but for quite a sustained while, mentally I just had this weight that felt as though it was pressing against my chest. I’m trying my hardest not to use the word anxiety because in all honesty I actually didn’t know what was wrong with me, I just knew that I was far from a hundred percent, and the whole idea of going to work just seemed really pointless to me.
Now don’t get me wrong work is far from pointless, anybody above the age of 18 paying bills will confirm this but…sometimes I just don’t feel the point. I can see the point, but I just can feel it.
For those who don’t really plan their life out and fall wherever their pieces may land, when they throw them, the thing that pushes them to go to work isn’t necessarily discipline, but the fear that not going to work will carry a series of financial consequences and implications.
What I’m trying to express here is that despite those financial consequences and implications having presented themselves before me…I simply did not feel fearful enough to commit to my shift.
I can’t claim to know the answers but oh my do I suspect that fear is often used to keep people in check; fear is used to remind people why they can’t do what they want to do “Just in case something happens”, and my understanding of this artificial perception makes it even more the tougher for me to take the risk of me missing work seriously.
What’s the worst that can happen, and is it really as badly as I make it out in my head? Screw it. I’m not getting out of bed today.
Comentarios