As my first shift of the week draws to a close and I’m sat here breaking the rules by being on my phone, I’m thinking about the reason/s why I should continue to write my entries away without seeing any desirable results in the near distance. The truth is I need to be heard.
I’ll write about this for years to come if I haven’t done so already (which I’m sure I have) but music doesn’t always feel like my calling. Music isin’t always this fun place to be. Sometimes music can feel like the very place and very routine that I’m trying to run away from, so with that being said, during the moments where my dream does feel like a prison, why should I carry on with what I’m doing?
I habitually try to remind myself as to often as possible that I need to be heard. Somethings that I’ve bottled up for years and years have to come out somehow, and there’s a world out there that feels exactly the same way I do. They need to know that I exist with these thoughts, and it will help them a great bunch to know that they’re not alone.
Even if doing it for myself is not a strong enough reason to keep going, somehow someway life can only get better if I choose to complete the whole circle: becoming the person I was scared and doubted I could ever be.
Sometimes it’s hard to move past the feelings that weigh me down, the energy that I don’t have for the mountains that I have to climb, and the resilience that I need for the weight that keeps pulling me backwards.
This I frequently visit this quiet cellar in my mental space to remind myself why I need to keep going. At this point I’ve held on to this dream and idea for so long that I no longer see the point of letting go, not until I draw my last breath and I leave my memories behind along with everything I’ve come to know and love.
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