For the longest time I’ve held on to the belief that so long as I refuse to throw in the towel, I will always make it out of whatever situation I have to fight my way through.
Right now though, things really don’t feel like such a notion could ever be the case; because no matter how badly I want to hold on to my dreams, the pressure that I’m under right now feels like it’s going to cave me in if I don’t let go.
For context, I’ve been editing this video that’s been sitting in my hard drive for months because there are several objectives that I hope to accomplish. I need to build up a portfolio so I can begin to sell my editing services, of course I want my music to live beyond the confinements of my hard drive, and I want to tackle this massive backlog of footage that I’ve been gathering since my release from prison.
But right now it all feels so impossible. I’ve underestimated just how much time is needed for the fruition of this product to take place, and quite frankly, because of all the time that keeps getting sapped out of me for one reason or the other, whether it be family or other stuff, I simply don’t have the time or energy to commit myself fully to this task.
The video in isolation isint what’s making me feel like my resistance is futile. It’s the unsettling reality check that finishing this video Is not even the start of what I need to do to bring my vision to life. It feels as though I have one plug for the 10 sink holes that are currently compromising the buoyancy of my ship.
Sitting down for hours on end, staring at a tiny screen and clipping away at tiny details is also not exactly great for my health. Whilst I’m sat here chipping away at this thing other tasks are being neglected, and I know for a fact once I’m done with this I will only have another mountain equally as fierce that will require climbing.
I’m at my wits end, and failure feels in imminent so with all of that being said, is this it?
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