It's Sunday morning, and I find it amusing to think that despite the sun beginning to rise, the week is coming to an end. Last night, as I was driving around, engaging in my side hustle, I found it really difficult to shake this negative feeling that seems to have its clutches plunged into me tightly.
For quite some time now, I've found it challenging to forgive myself for things I've done in the past. While my actions may not have been as extreme as I imagine, I find it really difficult to shake the feeling sometimes that I've let a lot of people down. I've made mistakes, I've hurt people who only had my best interests at heart.
Every now and then, a thought enters my mind and begins to toy with my sensitive emotions, feeding into my natural obsession with paying too much attention to the finer details, overthinking my every step and move. Things become really difficult for me to bear when it feels as though there's nothing I can do to correct or change a mistake I've made. This, for as long as I have known, has been one of my greatest weaknesses and, quite frankly, one of my greatest insecurities.
One of my greatest wishes, a wish I guess I've held for a very long time, is for the opportunity to show how sorry I am for my actions. It's funny how, despite the fact that I hate change so much, I am deeply hurt by the things that I cannot change, knowing that these are the same things that hurt the people I love.
I spent the entire night torturing myself because I didn't think I was becoming a better person. I am now in a place where I have realized that that thought was indeed a terrible lie. I am becoming the greatest version of myself day by day, and while there are some aspects of my inner being that aren't easy to accept, I quite frankly do not remember ever hoping for the day I'll become perfect.
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