I tried my best not to write about this and I don’t why, but it doesn’t matter much now in any case because I’m going to write this anyway. I must admit that in recent history I’ve been worried about the future to the point I’m an upsetting person to be around, but at the same time I can’t say that I’ve been so worried to the point I’m being crippled by the anxiety. I can give myself that much credit at the very least, and I’m proud that I’m able to accept that the future may not turn out to be how I wanted it.
One of the core themes of my story as an artist is that I was never given the space that allowed me to be exactly who I wanted to be. I shared this frustration with amongst my social media followers this week, and I almost wish I kept the stories because they would have been very useful for this entry.
The truth is I did everything to appease everybody else first before I could focus on the very thing I wanted to do. I did this because it seemed as though my parents, my God and my society would rather see me as their idea of an upstanding citizen of society as opposed to embracing whatever I may have turned out to be had I followed my own heart.
Not focusing too tightly on numbers but I think that’s taken a decade from me. A decade I wish I spent pursuing my music rather than trying to fit into this idea of whom my parents or anybody else believed me to be.
It’s crazy because the way the world is now…despite the fact that I’m doing everything I can to chase my dreams, there may come a time where that will no longer be possible because he world will be at war.
With that being said I have to prepare myself for that very possibility, and accept that what I wish to be may very well never come to pass.
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