Thursday the 9th of May 2024 and right now I do not feel like success if I'm being honest. It seems as though no matter how far I get into my journey and it feels like I've traveled a fair bit like you know relatively speaking I'm still in my early stages because nothing substantial
has happened in the outside world or you know the world that's beyond the world that I have created for myself as a rap artist but you know it has for like I've been doing this for a while and the point that I'm trying to
make is that like you know it seems that no matter how far I get I will still get with these moments of great doubt, moments of like, you know, uncertainty or moments that make me hyper-focus towards the reality, especially the part of reality that tells me just how much I'm not gonna be able to achieve the goals
that I guess I make up in my own mind, the goals that I daydream about on a daily basis, maybe because of my age, maybe because of my position, the lifestyle that I'm living, my fatherhood, my partnerhood, everything that's against me, and maybe just this cold, I don't know how to describe it, this cold feeling that just kind of like seems to be very focused on reality, which has never really served me because like you know looking at reality has always discouraged me from you
know pushing forward and making things happen. I didn't bring my website to life, you know kind of like focusing on the things that I can't accomplish. I didn't think about coming up with my own brand, my own image. I didn't get better at writing my records and writing my raps by focusing on what I won't be able to do, what I can't accomplish and how,
just how badly like I won't be able to, you know, to succeed and to, you know, become this greater version of myself through this art form, through this means of expressing oneself. But yeah, like I guess all I wanted to really talk about today was just how how gripping this feeling of
doubt has kind of like lingered over me today because I focused on I continue to focus on things that have got nothing to do do with music. There is a limelight here somewhere, somewhere in the far distance that might not be as far as I think that it is but it is there and it might be a game changer I don't know but for now I just wanted to talk about this and show it to somebody who I don't know maybe might feel like they're the only people kind of like going
through this experience yeah I mean in short I'm fairly certain that you're not alone.
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