I’m beginning to develop this need for autonomy. It’s hard for me to admit this to anyone besides myself because distance for some is a difficult thing to understand, but I’m beginning to feel as though my energy is being sapped from several sources and I just need to find my own space to recharge without running the fear of being disturbed.
Last night after having a conversation with my dad I began to wonder about the crippling pressure a man be placed or place himself under. From the life I’ve lived so far I cannot say I myself have actively wished for a difficult life, but at the same time with the circumstances within which I am now living I would rather deliberately put myself under pressure before that pressure comes tumbling down upon me regardless.
It’s strange, you know I keep thinking to myself it’s funny how I’ve grown up learning to accept that the world owes me nothing, but may the heavens above crumble if I offer anything less than everything to the world. Everybody to a certain extent at varying degrees contributes to this bad juju that nobody wants to own up to, and that’s why I often find myself needing my own space: It’s draining to watch the cycle over and over again.
I might be growing a little too quickly because I’m not even 30 yet and silence has become my best friend but times like these…I need all the space and autonomy I can get.
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