There’s nothing in the world that I want more than to check out of this idea that I need to be someone important in the eyes and ears of many in order to be valuable. The truth on the other hand as always is it’s not that simple, but I must admit that I don’t make things easy for myself.
That’s another reason why I’m doing this, chasing this ridiculous dream, and I often wonder if I’m doing it for the right reasons.
There’s a high chance I’ve come to this conclusion because of my own delusional biases, but I can’t help but feel that the world has tried to make me feel like this small 🤏, and I’m filled with this burning rage to prove that I’m anything but.
At some point it becomes survival instincts because it seems like everybody is trying to put me in a box. Knowingly or unknowingly they want to know what car I drive, shoes I own, what home I live in.
They want to know where I work and whom I work for, just how high a status I possess, and when I don’t seem to tick the right boxes they very quickly dismiss the claim that I at all exists, and It makes me sick.
There’s a hunger in me that rages to prove every single person who ever did that to me wrong, but just as equally there’s a sense of peace that comes from the thought to just let things be, and disconnect myself completely from the whole system that builds people to be this way: so cut throat and eager to step on one another to get to “The top”.
Sometimes I don’t know which path to entertain, but right now, I’m hungry to become everything everyone thought I didn’t deserve to become.
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