Okay, so Thursday the 27th of June and you know like for anybody who kind of like hasn't heard this before, right, I've divided my life into four chapters. Each chapter is 25 years long and I'm currently in my second chapter. Now one of the things that I've discovered after
having lived through my first chapter is something that I used to think. I no longer think this now, but I used to think that I was intrinsically selfish. And maybe to a certain degree I'm still intrinsically
selfish, but what I meant to say, what I mean to say by that is that I used to be too selfish for my own good. I was way too selfish for my own good and I felt that I was so selfish that I just basically shouldn't be on the planet anymore because it's like, you know, all I do is just basically contribute to, you know, kind of like ill health, negativity and misery.
And I do that just for the sake of kind of like feeding whatever it is that I felt that I needed or desired. But at the same time, I've kind of like come to the realization that maybe I wasn't as selfish, you know, as I thought I was. I mean, what I mean when I say that is that I don't think that I was selfish with bad intentions.
I don't think that I was selfish, you know, I don't think that my actions were based on like you know, kind of like a pure, I think, I'm almost kind of like stumbling across my words here but effectively what it is that I'm trying to say is that like I wasn't selfish because I was a bad person, I was selfish because I was a person in need. And now that I'm kind of like recognizing that as I'm growing and as I'm living through my second chapter, I've come to the realization that like you know, it's very difficult to kind of like live a kind of like healthy and live a you know a confident life in an environment
where everybody else around you is suffering. It's kind of like it's very difficult to live a life, you know, without being... It's very difficult to live a life not being needy when everybody else around you and the environment around you is in need. It's almost something that effectively... Effectively, it's not a question of... It's not a thing of like things feeding into kind of like, you know, into your mindset and your attitude is more so like if the environment is needy and if the people around you are needy, it's very difficult for you not to be needy. You too will also be needy and you too will also act selfishly in order to make sure that you can
feed yourself and give yourself the things that are required in order for you to meet your own personal demand, your own existential demands. And now that I'm beginning to realize that, I'm kind of like taking it a little bit easier on myself. I'm no longer as judgmental and as harsh as I used to be. And it's time to really address some of these issues by moving forward, by making some permanent changes in my freaking life, and by abandoning some of these preconceived notions that I used to think about myself, you know, like
thinking that I was a horrible person and thinking that I didn't belong on this freaking planet. Like, that is, that has to change and that is going to change permanently from now on.
Comments