Sunday the 22nd of September 2024 and I'm literally gonna have to absolutely blitz my way through these reflections because yeah like I literally need to leave the door in about about 20 minutes to kind of like start my shift and it's not gonna be great but yeah the title of
today's reflection is going to be the butchering so I'm gonna have to basically pivot my attention towards kind of like working on this verse that I've been assigned
you know it's kind of this verse that somebody wanted me to write and it's been sitting there for ages and I've procrastinated against it because of writer's block. Not even writer's block, it's just basically kind of like a deliberate writer's block, which is effectively the type of writer's block that you convince yourself you have but really and truthfully you don't have because you're just trying to make everything perfect.
To kind of touch a little bit more on perfectionism as well, like again, the butchering. So I've been struggling with this website that I've been working on. It's like literally my main diary of a rap dragon website and it's been absolutely abysmal. Like when I say that this thing has been absolutely troublesome, it's because I'm trying to integrate a new section into the website and it's just been absolutely dreadful. I currently don't like the way it looks. I'm sure my perfectionism has got something to do with it, but again,
it's something that I'm going to have to let go because otherwise I'm just going to put myself in. I'm going to keep punishing myself. I'm going to be very harsh on myself and I'm effectively going to be stuck in this cycle. So yeah, I'm trying to kind of like get the thing to look as smooth as possible, even if it means kind of like having to forego some of my favorite settings because at the end of the day, it's all about quality really and truthfully.
But yeah, this is the reason why I'm calling today's reflection the butchering because it's kind of like I'm literally punishing myself and punishing my own progress by effectively focusing on what needs to be perfect when really and truthfully nothing needs to be perfect. It's perfectly fine the way that it is and I'm being ridiculous but it is pretty hard especially kind of like when you come from like an underprivileged background and you just want to try to you know you you want excellence but effectively becomes your greatest strong suit in that regard.
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