Sunday the 11th of August 2024 and the title of today's reflection is going to be the butterfly effect. Now reflecting on this kind of like subject matter a little earlier, not the subject matter of the butterfly effect but kind of like thinking about what I've been thinking about earlier, I've
come to the conclusion that for my own sake, I do have to let go of the outcome. I've been wanting to be a rap artist ever since I was 13 years old. Like this is something that became poignant when I kind of like first began to kind of
like meddle and interact with, you know, you know, with some recording equipment. When I began to, you know, the first time that I heard my voice back, kind of like sampled over on instrumental was the day that I knew I wanted to be a rap artist and through kind of like cultural circumstances, I want to say religious circumstances, through different kind of like trials and tribulations, I've always had to wrestle. It's always been a very, you know, the societal identity that wants me to fit in and the part of me
that just feels at home when I create and when I kind of like lean into, you know, my artistry, that creative aspect of it. You know, like, I've been wanting to do this for a very long time. And I guess to a certain degree,
I find myself struggling to effectively kind of like come to terms with the possibility that I may not be able to bring my dreams to life. You know there's always that thought that chips away at me in the back of my mind, you know that if I had started this a lot sooner, if I had allowed myself to fully lean into the very thing I wanted to become and if I didn't take into consideration the thoughts and opinions of the people around me, mainly my parents which I do blame, I do blame my parents a lot, I try not to blame them, however, like you know, I do feel like their kind of like
opinions and what they wanted from me was slightly different from what I wanted for myself All of these things torment me to a certain degree and sometimes they play into my kind of like my satisfaction when it comes to like where I'm at in my music career. I have to let go of the outcome.
I have to completely accept that there is a possibility that I may not be successful in my own right. I have to accept that there is a very, you know, that there is a significant likelihood that things may not pan out exactly how I planned them or how I hoped for them to turn out.
Of course, I want to have some sort of measurement of success, a fan base, a community that knows my brand and knows the content that I put out, knows the art that I put out, relates with the art that I put out. But that might not necessarily happen because of the circumstances that in one way I've
put myself in and in other ways I've been forced to put myself in. I have to accept for my own sake, you know, because when, let's say for example, I put together a video or put together a song or, you know, I need to get from point A to B in order to kind of like achieve a certain goal that I've set for myself. When failure begins to knock at the door and failure does knock at the door on a regular occasion when it comes to you know kind of like following my career, if I don't have a good enough relationship with my final output or the final outcome and that
is accepting that things may not turn out how I want them to, that can destroy me, like psychologically as in that can really play into my mind. And so for that case I just have to learn to let go.
Comments