Saturday the 18th of May 2024 and yeah what time is it? It's like a quarter to four. I'm going to be leaving in about 45 minutes to um you know I've got a job to do starting at five o'clock, my side hustle. Uh boy like uh yes I'm gonna need to get this over and done quickly because I
still need to get in the shower still need to step out of the house fresh it's actually like a really really nice day outside it's beautiful I haven't really been doing much of it though just been sitting in the house just I don't know like lately
I've just been feeling lethargic and tired and you know just I guess trying to wrap my head around you know this difficult month that I've been going through. At the moment like there's not a lot going on in my mind but there's a lot that I do want to talk about so I can imagine this reflection just being all over the place and not really having anything to do with anything at all like there not being a clear focus. But anyway, so like yeah, I just literally finished watching a video like this is just a reel that was on Instagram and it was about like, you know, this dude that you know, he
got the, you know, he was married, but his wife needed to talk to him. He asked her if it was bad. She said yes. He asked her if it was about their marriage. She said yes. and long story short it just turned out that she had been having an affair with some person from work
and she's also pregnant with his child. It just made me think about a lot, I really do mean a lot know you know there is a I can relate to that feeling from more than one angle and if I'm if I'm being a like truthful if I'm if I'm being honest it reminds me of I guess what it makes me think about it makes me think about the gravity behind some of the topics and some of the angles that I try to explore with my music. Now a part of
me is kind of like extremely naive about the consequences that I may face if I just pour out my entire heart into the music that I create. And I don't know if I am being naive on purpose but at the moment the setting that I'm in, I'm just in this setting where I feel like I just don't know how I'm going to be able to really, really express and really showcase you know the degree of my, you know the gravity of my, or the compelling nature of my topics and the things that you know how deeply passionate I am about exploring you know
some of the deep and dark topics that you know I've you know that I've been expressing where I've been kind of like touching upon with my music without injecting and wholeheartedly injecting you know my personal life experiences at the moment I haven't figured that out yet and it kind of scares me a little bit because you know this is stuff that the whole world will be able to see the whole world will be able to you know read and
hear and talk about you know some of my deepest I wouldn't say like darkest secrets is just kind of like you know people understanding that these are the thoughts that I've had in the past these are the things that I've acted upon like these are the things that I've done and it kind of scares me and makes me a little bit uncomfortable but then there's a part of me that really doesn't care. So um, man I'm already four minutes into this thing so I guess I'm going
to close it off here. The point of the message is, I don't know, I don't know, I'm kind of scared that, I'm a bit, maybe not scared, I'm a bit apprehensive about putting my, you know, my thoughts and my feelings and some of my like vulnerable, you know, my weak spots out there but I feel like, you know, I wouldn't call myself, you know, I can't really say I'm a rap artist especially the type of artist that I deep down believe myself to be unless I am willing to really you know to really be blunt and be brutally open about how dark some of my thoughts and some of my um you know past actions have been.
Comments