Alright cool so it's the 18th of January 2025 today's a Saturday I've got the dryers going on in the background I've been doing my laundry pretty much since I decided to get up out of bed I'm not entirely certain when that was but I can tell you for certain it wasn't even 6 a.m. in the morning like I've just been kind of like flat out just basically trying to put things back in place this is something that I do on a regular basis it's almost coming to the point
where I feel like I sound boring talking about it because it's something that I do all of the time and in the meantime I've been trying to like in between all of the stuff that I need to do to just keep my house in place for the say you know because my family lives here I'm trying to make this place livable for my family all in the meanwhile working on the things that kind of like bring resources kind of like into the house and things
that kind of like keep me chugging forward when it comes to music. Now I'm not entirely certain how many of these reflections I have to do because I've literally got a backlog of stemming back maybe about four days I think. But like you know when it comes to music today, I haven't really had the best amount of time
or the best degree of time management to effectively kind of like focus on that, which is a little bit frustrating. But you know, like at the same time I'm thinking, I don't know man, like I've been in a very weird kind of like state of mind this past week really and truthfully and It's coming from maybe I guess like this not refutal
But it's kind of like almost like acceptance really when it comes to kind of like What it is is that I've been chasing kind of like when I say pleasure I've been chasing comfort pretty much since kind of like the fall of last year Because like you know when Christmas period's coming, like it gets very tempting to just kind of like relax, take it easy and really take it easy.
And before you know it, like you know, you're weeks into the new year and you know, you're not really picking up the momentum that you want to pick up because you know, you don't, you know, you're a bit rusty. You don't really want to go at it
because it's hard work, work you don't really want to do. And effectively what it is that, you know, I'm saying all of this to come back to the point that I was trying to cook earlier where I'm saying like, look, I'm effectively just trying to kind of like bring that to a stop and because I've removed so many of the things that did
bring me pleasure I'm now in this position where I'm feeling very dull so there's not a lot of that dopamine that I used to get from whatever it was that I used to do to get that dopamine and I'm now having to face the things that really don't bring me any value in the instant it's more long-term value and it's kind of like getting really hard to do that but I don't know without that you know without without kind of like going into it too much like I'm just I'm having to navigate this
kind of like state of mind and this emotion that I'm dealing with this dullness that just doesn't come from effectively like you know you know this thing that does you know this thing that I'm no longer able to get because I'm not chasing hedonism anymore and you know I'm just like I don't know I'm just trying to do my thing, I guess. And just basically kind of like, you know, keep going towards the trajectory that I'm aiming towards.
And, you know, that's all it is that I have to say for now. Hopefully, you know, like I said, I'm still in the process of trying to put all of this stuff together so that my reflections can come, you know, can actually be of value to the people that hear them. But again, all of this stuff, I keep on repeating myself a lot. And I keep saying it takes a little bit of time and I have to get
to that stage where I can actually sit down and begin to just evolve over time. But more on this later, for now I just kind of like have more work to do so I'll just keep thing stepping I guess.
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