Okay cool so it is now Thursday I believe it is the 17th of January 2025 and you know I want to talk a little bit about just kind of like I guess the thoughts that I've been experiencing not the thoughts themselves but more so the color and the texture and just basically kind of like you know the subject of like the thoughts you know the big umbrella I guess that all of these thoughts and all of these I guess reflections really fall into. And you know, as of late, I've been kind of like tackling with this
kind of like, I don't know how to describe it, but it's, you know, a dullness. Basically, it's like feeling very grey. And I wouldn't call it depression, definitely wouldn't call it depression in a, you know, in a scientific or in a medical sense. But it's almost like, you know, it's coming from like a loneliness, I suppose. It's coming from a loneliness. Although, you know, and I'm going to describe this loneliness in a second. And as a matter of fact, what this loneliness is about is effectively thinking and feeling about the things
that I think and feel about, really and truthfully, when there's nobody else around me to think and feel those feelings and thoughts with me. Now let me break that down in a way that makes much more sense and in a way that sounds a lot more like English. What it is, is that I'm just basically, I don't know, you know, when I use the word awareness, I'm not trying to say that I know more than the other person, that I'm better than the other person, that I am categorically or, you know, categorically, you know, more
important, I've got higher status. It doesn't mean that in a hierarchy, you know, me being more aware about something puts me above anybody else. But it is one of those things where I guess, like, you know, having that awareness and knowing, you know, how to a certain extent people that are poor people that are uneducated right um are effectively alone to their own selves even though they blame the higher masses even though they blame the higher authorities even though there is a certain i i guess there is a certain kind of like uh there's a significant effect that the
higher authorities have upon them which makes their lives a bit terrible for the most part i feel like it is we who are at the bottom that make life is difficult for ourselves because we just don't have the awareness of how we bring that misery onto ourselves in the first place and it's a perpetual misery it's a horrible misery it's a disgusting misery it's an unbearable misery especially for the empath it's usually bearable for the person that's going through the nonsense but the person that's to sit there and
listen to that it's absolutely draining and why am I talking about all of this I'm talking about all of this because again it's lonely it's lonely to think about all of the problems that, you know, even if I switch myself off from the worldly problems, the problems that are literally like, you know, the problems that my neighbour has to my left and my neighbour has to the right, it hurts, you know, and it hurts to be the only person, you know, for miles I guess, to really think about these things
and really worry and concern themselves with these things and maybe, I don't know, it's part of my saviour's complex, I will admit, I bring this to myself, but then at the same time, like, you know, if I'm, you know, as any human being would, any human being who's functioning rightly, it's very difficult to stay in a house and just basically boil yourself a kettle or boil yourself a cup of coffee knowing that the house next door to you is on fire. And I mean that figuratively.
It's very hard to just get along with your life knowing that for the most part people around you are suffering and they're not even as happy as you are. I'm a relatively happy guy. When I say I'm a happy guy, I'm content, I'm peaceful, right? I'm peaceful despite all the nonsense that's going on in my life or whatever it is. But I'm getting to that contentment by the skin of my freaking
teeth so if somebody, you know, if somebody is less happy than I am, I don't want to be that person. It's hard. It's just basically hard but I don't know. Because I don't know what the solution is. Because I can't, you know, I want to switch myself off to it but that's only solved half the problem. Because I can only be so happy when the world around me and the world that's relative to the people that I care about is just burning for no real justifiable reason.
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