I woke up as normal but in reality normal was far from what I was feeling. It's weird pouring your guts unto the internet despite whether anybody has seen them or not. Deep down as pessimistic as I can be, the open mindedness of your every day artist no matter their field, will by default open their minds to the possibilities of their art being viewed by hundreds and thousands of people.
My everyday thoughts and words (at least the words I choose to leave on here) are a part of that art yet to be scene by many, and I must admit I woke up feeling strange knowing what I let the world know yesterday, even though the world has yet to see the message.
I woke up feeling strange also because I find that I can go from wanting to close my eyes never again to wake, to embracing every moment that comes and itching; almost craving at the reach of whatever moment life has to offer next. I guess the feeling is not so strange when you realise life is both up and down, you feel the desire to live more when you're up, and feel the desire less to live when you're down.
I spoke to my dad today...and he's either a great actor, or genuinely a master at retaining an independent relationship with his life's ups and downs. It seems that no matter what position he finds himself in, somehow he always seems to be smiling through it. I got the acting side of it down to a T for the most part, but it's actually embodying that attitude that I'm struggling to master. I guess it does take a little more time and effort than what I expected.
I decided to go out for a BBQ today and as much as I didn't want to I was glad that I went out in the end. Still the feeling is always bitter sweet, because you return home to a mountain load of work and fear that no matter how much you share with the world you still have to face by yourself.
Made Eze.
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