Saturday the 11th of May 2024 and it's going to be pretty challenging to talk about anything relating to today because right now like my focal point and my focus is very much leaning against you know the final moments of yesterday like literally you know the last half an hour
You know, like, I don't really know how to put this into words, but I really wasn't going home with the expectations that I was going to be met with an opportunity that could effectively transform and completely change my expectations when it comes to the outcome
of the end of this year. Like my expectations, kind of like going into the end of this year, have been pretty much, I mean, I don't really have the word for it, but I've come into this year thinking that I'm gonna finish this year
with a specific set of results. Many of those results haven't really come to fruition. And so with that said, I just felt that this year was gonna end in a very standard way, very similar to last year, but I was still going to make the most of it in that sense. And, you know, the funny thing is, you can
always account for the things that you think are going to happen, but you can't account for the things that you will naturally not think are going to happen. And no matter how many times you do this, there's always something that comes in there, you know, something that you didn't expect that just basically presents itself right before you. And all of a sudden, it's like time is still, you know, nothing is moving because it's like, you know, it's that thing that you didn't expect, that moment that you didn't plan for. And it's one of the greatest as well as one of the most, you know, one of the most terrifying
aspects of being present and being conscious in this universe, being alive, you know, at that. I've been aware of the auditions of the Rap Game UK for quite some time now. When I say quite some time, I'm making it sound like I've been aware of it for like months. No, maybe it's been about a week or two at best. And psychologically I psyched
myself out of it. I told myself I couldn't do it, it doesn't fit in with my schedule. Again, the side of my ego that is very used to, you know, the side of my ego that is very cemented to this aspect of my reality is absolutely terrified by the prospects of like auditioning on TV for the very first time in his life, right? And there is also that side of me that is very much terrified by the possibility that everything
that I've been working towards, everything that I've been working towards pretty much since I've given myself the opportunity to do so, will actually lead up to the point in which I will succeed in everything that I've been trying to do because it's like you know sitting in
a rocket maybe and you think to yourself yeah like you know this rocket is gonna fly up to the moon it's gonna fly up to a particular point in space but you're never ready for that you know you're never ready for that jump that jump between like you know the moment when you're sitting in the rocket and you're ready to take off and then next minute you know you're taking off you're taking off at a tremendous speed and you know you are the distance
and the difference between the point in which you're on the ground to the point in which you're now up in the air and up in space is very difficult to conceive and very difficult to comprehend as one tiny little human being with a very small capacity to actually understand the infinite like you know the infinite complexities of this universe
and you know I genuinely thought that I wasn't going to apply until you know two things had happened until my friend you know my best friend you know my best friend and you know the person that I started this journey with but you know but sadly I haven't been able to continue this journey with you know it was all it all made sense until my best friend said apply just go for it. And I don't take anything that my best friend says lightly, I don't you know, I take everything that my best friend says very seriously, there's a massive history
going back between him and I that very much solidifies the reason why I'm here doing everything that I'm doing in the first place. And the second thing that happened was, you know, my in-laws, my parents, you know, when they said apply, go for it. And, you know, there's somebody out there in the universe that, you know, sadly I'm no longer friends with, you know, we've had a falling out. And he always said to me, like, you know, if you hear one person telling you to do something, you know, you can give it a blight. But if you hear the exact same sentence in the exact same format coming from two different
people, two different sources that don't know each other, I think it's time you know you start to use your ears correctly and you pay attention to what the universe is telling you to do.
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